Eat this, not that. This concept is applicable to other life challenges beyond managing a healthy diet. Instead of depriving yourself of something, you give yourself something better. As the year ends I am both thankful and reflective. I’m thankful that my family is whole, when there are those in my family who lost their parents. I still have mine alive and mostly healthy, and I’m so thankful for that.

I’m thankful that my sleep has stabilized. I did that on my own, because I focused on it. It’s a huge achievement considering having spent a few years suffering the effects of a bad nights sleep. I fully recognize the benefits of sleep and therefore have been vigilant about my bed time. There are days like this though, where last night I slept late and now I’m just tired. I have stabilized my sleep and made it routine. My body is getting healthier!

I’m thankful that I am no longer depressed. Perhaps this is the biggest game changer since my mental well being is the foundation for all other healthy lifestyle choices. I’m willing and able.

And because my mental state is stable, I have the precious moments of smiling to myself. I continue with my hobbies. I talk to people. I make healthy lifestyle choices, I commit to a healthier and happier me.

I spend time with my family. And that is so important. I protect my energy around my friends. That’s important too.

And most wonderfully— I’m thriving at work. I say this because I haven’t called off due to depression in a while. I’ve been coming to work, doing well at work, socializing at work, taking extra shifts, and making a lot of money. I’m successful.

To end the year like this is a blessing. I have my family. I have a home. I have my mental well-being. I have my health. I have my dogs. I have my job, which I’m great at. I have my lifestyle changes which I’m implementing toward a healthier life (sleep, hygiene, work, diet). I have a healthy outlook for the future.

I’m coming off strong, considering the shadow dip that I fell into for most of the spring into summer into fall.

I’ve begun slowly unraveling my belief systems that don’t serve me anymore. This is hard work, because I haven’t consciously faced these feelings and beliefs. It’s also slow work. I have to find actual time and space for it. (To reflect on it and work on it). But I’ve started by skimming the surface of what I believe and what needs to be addressed.

So far I’ve changed my work ethic. That’s huge. I’m entering next year with money. I gave my parents money and I’m treating my family to a meal out (that’s progress!). I’m following my budget (not buying things I said I wouldn’t buy). I’m doing well with sleep. I’m reading and blogging. I’m praying and trying to set myself up for faith success. Literally, 2024 is ending like this is as a true blessing.

But with light there is shadow. And I’m still learning to take care of myself amidst my ex-bf dreams, my jealousy at other peoples’ life stages, and my frustration of not being married or having kids. Those shadows are acute. I’m experiencing them and I’m suffering.

Eat thankfulness, not jealousy. Eat abundance mindset, not lack mindset which drains energy. Eat progressive mindset, not dwelling on what isn’t. Eat what is, all that is good in my life, and all that I’m doing to make it better.

Eat the present and the future, not the past (which is gone and over).

I’ve been avoiding triggers (people, and social media). I’m trying to get myself what I want. And I am focusing on what I want. I’m trying to set myself up for a successful and healthy and loving relationship by loving myself. Actively Loving Myself is a journey I only recently started. While I wish I could graduate right away, I know it’s going to take a little bit of time to build myself up to being healthy.

I’m proud of myself for removing dead end guys in my life. That’s a huge thing too. I think once I truly stabilize I can begin actively searching and dating. It’s not going to take forever. I just want to be solidly running before I make those decisions. And it’s ok, because I’m progressing toward it.

I’m progressing toward my mental health. I’m progressing toward my physical health. I’m progressing toward my financial health. And even if it doesn’t seem like it, I’m progressing toward my love life. Because as Namjoon says, you can’t love others until you love yourself. So I’m making strides toward loving myself, then opening up myself to healthy choices.

It requires some time off to think about the qualities that I want in a man. To pray (something I can do now!). It takes time to reflect and debride my low self esteem and my beliefs about the availability of men out there. Those are some things I really have to go to therapy for.

Everything is at a start. The ending of this year is the beginning of my year. It’s really something to celebrate— having gone this far. Having had the upswing I needed and didn’t know how to get.

In my heart I want to live a normal person’s life with stable emotions, a gym membership, and all the other “normal days” that one without mental illness takes for granted. And not only that— I want to continue to strive and to progress. I want to thrive!

I’ve given myself gold medallions for achieving success:

I have my very first pair of gold earrings from Tiffany and Co! They’re so beautiful and they’re mine. They represent growth and beauty. It’s my first ever gold piece that no one can take away from me! Just like my achievements!

I also have a starter bracelet that’s gold coated, and more importantly has diamonds! It’s my first piece that I fully own which has diamonds. I can’t wait to have more solid pieces!

I’m taking myself out and celebrating my success. I’m being successful!

That’s me. That’s the state of 2024. This is where I leave it.

Thank you. It’s time to glow!