So I’ve begun! This year was chemical trash, and there’s around twenty days for me to get on my Princess pony and turn it upright. I’m starting small by establishing a routine. I’ve been witness to things that makes me want to grow into my future. I have a good one. I’ll make it a good one.

And I’ve always been good at making things, when I’m in the right mental and energetical state. Finding a balance and a health care routine are really the things I’m focusing on. It’s also a lot of inner work. I’m facing things I haven’t considered, and thinking about limiting beliefs that I haven’t addressed. I’m just excited for the brain opportunity to make good on what I can.

Twenty days isn’t bad. It’s about being mindful. Being thankful. Doing good work. Meditating and rebalancing. Doing what I plan on. I don’t want to think too far ahead about the things I don’t have because that’s a downer. I’m trying to be mindful, in the now.

Besides the inner things, I’m also considering financial goals. I have dreams and wants. I’d like to go to Korea next year. I’d like my life to feel better, as I feel better. I’ve also begun looking outside and into taking care of the people that love me— my parents.

Right now I’m staying out of trouble and that lessened stress helps them. I think my intentions is what I can do for now.

It’s all beginning. I’ve gone through a few cycles of being better, feeling great, and living life. I’m ready to begin again. There’s self care, environmental care, outside-care. There’s a lot of caring going on. I’m thankful that I’m in the emotional balance to care and be able to build myself and my world up again.

I want to grow into not settling. I want to be confident. I want to live my life. There’s many things like that. It’s a healing and health journey. I’m like my plant Joonie, I’m a winner.

Black swan era is all about dealing with feelings of dissatisfaction, depression, nothingness, and yet somehow coming out of that all with grace. It makes you face the darkness. And in both worlds (to varying degrees), that’s where I am.

I want to be ready for a healthy marriage. Marriage is one of my goals. Financial stability. Personal satisfaction and fulfillment at life. These are my goals. I think that it all starts with a beginning.

Namjoon’s right— you have to deeply love yourself first.