I pledge to take care of myself by taking my medications early and on time, and going to sleep at 10 every day.

Seriously

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I’m going to add on to the above post, because all this extra space would do well to be filled.

My new mantra:

Do a little at a time. Every little thing counts

As someone who lives with chronic depression, it’s very hard to do things: go out, do hobbies, clean, work, sleep. All these things seem insurmountable.

So I’ve cut back and just begun to do what I can. I started by cleaning the little corner in my room, all the while saying “every little thing counts”, which is a rewarding and encouraging mantra to say while doing things. I’m going to approach most of my life like this. I may not be able to tackle big things (which are big for me, and that’s okay), but I can move bit by bit, and that makes a difference.

It seems that me and Seokjin are in our blonde era. I’m just test driving it. Being a villain (in a non-toxic moral way) is proving to be good so far. I like putting myself first. I like protecting my energy. I’m even proud of myself for stepping away from what/who aren’t benefiting me. I’ve stepped away from unhealthy situations. And I’m proud of that. I’m also being genuine and true to my feelings. I’m also proud of that.

I do wish I could take up my hobbies again. I think writing in this blog is a good step. It goes back to “do what you can when you can.” Every little thing counts, so this writing that I’m doing matters.

It’s not like I’m debilitated. I’m still watching my shows. I’m texting my people. I occasionally go out too. It’s just, I see that it would be beneficial to do more.

That version of me exists. It’s like weight training and working out— I have to get there gradually. Step by step. And I have hope. Because that version of me exists, I therefore hope that I can live this life. This elevated life for me. And what it means to me.

It’s my own life.

It isn’t beneficial to look at other peoples’ achievements. It just frustrates me and makes me question why I don’t have that right now.

It’s my own life. My life right now, is what needs the attention. I have to look into my own world and fix my own self brick by brick. I don’t want to think of others anymore. In many ways, I want to enlist. Like my guys.

I acknowledge how insurmountable it feels while knowing that what creates success is focusing on myself.

It’s my own life.