(*spoiler alert*) for the movie title.

I came into Koo’s documentary wondering about his vague title: I Am Still. The theme of the movie was: “I am still loved.” It documents his journey of debuting as a solo artist. It was a journey of finding himself, and re-defining himself away from a group which he’s based his identity on. And it’s all through the process of music, his love.

“I am still” is a great prompt to my life.

According to the heavens, the stars charge me to let go of my past, to let go of what doesn’t resonate with me, and to change and move forward. The stars predict unprecedented success.

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I’m in bed and it’s almost 1 AM. That retrograde during September 18 allowed me to let go of my anger toward my friend and brother. It also made me dwell deep into the darkness of my insomnia.

I have yet to truly address that. I have yet to heal.

One thing I realized from a healthy afternoon’s sleep is that it’s high time that I become purposeful. It’s easy to set direct goals: like not calling off. But I haven’t put a motivational purpose with that goal, which is: make money, clear debt, be financially free to have fun and go to concerts, travel and have a blast in Korea, and overall clear my record with my employer.

Professional wise it’s a start. I have to motivate myself to go to work. And to truly get rid of my depressive tendency to call off. Depression is real. And I have to do things to support my job, like take care of my mental health, and very basically sleep early.

Jung Kook lives with a purpose. Right now my purpose is to live a more organized life that’s rich in fulfillment (whatever that is), become financially stable, and pursue my dreams. Right now my dream is to continue my peaceful life.

My purpose is to love my family. And it gives them peace to see me doing so well at life.

So it’s all interconnected. I want to begin to live purposefully. I want to find the love of my life and be healthy and happy in that blessing. I want to re-establish my connection to my creator.

Those are the things, for now, I think I can do. Health and profession. And that’s enough.

I am still successful. I achieve whatever it is I directly put my mind to. Purpose, motivation, a solid plan, commitment and concentration coupled with purposeful action. I’ve been doing this for years, and getting what I want. That’s me. And that’s what I can be. I am still me: the golden maknae of my life, my twin to Jeon Jung Kook.

I’ll see you soon. I’ll make you proud.