I’m in my humidifier essential oil feelings.

I posted this effortlessly hot picture of Namjoon on my socials, stating that it’s the end of the first quarter of 2024 and asking my followers to reflect on our gains and goals.

I feel a bit like Jung Kook and JIMIN, and Tae. I’m making progress but it’s not enough. I need more. I want to feel like I’m making leaps and bounds. From the outside and an unbiased view I probably am: with work, church, and sleep. I want more momentous things, or at least I want these things to feel as momentous as they really are.

What is my gain for the first quarter?

Honestly the biggest gain that happened; is me coming back to my church, and making an effort to restore my relationship with the Creator of all things. I pray now. I also correct my self-consciousness and self esteem (which is something I’m battling to change in life).

I just want to be me and happy.

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Back to gains:

I’m doing quite well with sleep. I aim to be resting before midnight. That’s my new goal.

I have a lot of false-starts with eating better. But it’s a start nonetheless.

I’m actually functioning above depression. I’m not depressed, nor am I “sad and down”.

I don’t have the depressed need to call off. My attendance at work has been successful so far.

My hobbies continue:

I’m keeping up with my reading. These three months I’ve painted, crochet’d, embroidered, journaled, and finished reading some books. I even dabbled in my story.

I tried re-entering Bon Voyage and it just didn’t do it for me. What if I’m losing attachment to my guys? I’m not trying to. I don’t want to, because they’ve been a source of my true happiness.

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The past two days haven’t gone well with me so I’ve germinated a little. I only recently got myself out of a toxic potential relationship. I’m making adult decisions. I’m also realizing there’s a calling for me to learn how to protect my energy when something distresses me.

Why?

I want to live a good life. I want to be thankful for what I have, and realize that what I want is perfectly attainable should I try.

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The things I want to do: I want to get back to embroidering. I want to finish learning how to play Spring Day and Tale as Old as Time. I want to re-gain my passion and discipline in learning how to Speak Korean.

More things: I want to get out of HA. I want to be counted as active and I want to be truly present as a Christian woman.

I don’t know what to say about the second quarter of 2024.

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How am I doing? Today I am sleep deprived, and coming off an emotional night, spent the day germinating. I’ve had one sad day.

It isn’t always like this. There are days and times that I go out to Starbucks. I read. I drive to a cup sleeve. I met up with a friend. I meet up with my cousins and extended family.

I admit that I haven’t been the most social. I don’t feel like making new friends. I don’t feel like going to cupsleeves. I don’t have a pressing need to go out with my friends. It’s just how I feel right now. And that’s a first.

I wish I kept an active journal this year. Maybe then it would give me perspective on my progress.

I made it. But I want to make it even more, and at my own pace, while recognizing my achievements. It’s fair. Because I’m doing my best. I’ve always done my best. And I’m proud of myself for that.

I’m blessed that my parents love me so much. I’m blessed for my dogs, that I still have my job and my membership and my life (sans P episodes). I’m blessed that I have more than I need materially. I’m blessed to be young. I’m still young. I’m the best kind of young because I’ve learned life lessons.

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How am I doing in general? I’m still surviving and there are days that I thrive with my hobbies. I’m growing at church. I’m growing at work, and I’m attending work dutifully. I’m invested in my hobbies. I still keep in touch with friends via phone. I fed 86 fish.

A good day starts with a good nights sleep. I’ll update the guys and go to bed.

Thank you for listening and good night!