Hello insomnia, my old friend. I don’t know who I am anymore, when it comes to what kind of girlfriend, partner, and spouse I’ll be. I’ve certainly changed for the better— and I don’t even know how I’ll be, so that means I’m not perfect.

Maybe in some convoluted way because of BTS’ enlistment I’ve decided to make space for wanting a relationship. It doesn’t feel that way though. I simply miss the intimacy of being able to talk, confide, and something as simple as a good morning text. I miss physical hugs and kisses. I miss more than that.

I want a healthy partner who will love me for who I am. I want a green light partner who is also Namjoon Kim. I want mikrokosmos, all fit into one star.

They say pray. I’ll try. I’m taking care of myself to be attractive and also for self care and self love. I’m continuing on with my hobbies, loved ones, and friendships. I think I want to level up to having a boyfriend who will become my husband. And I want to have a very healthy pregnancy and produce a heathy baby. I want my shot at a legacy.

How? Advertise, and put yourself out there. Be honest with how you feel about someone. If you can’t be the least aggressive form of direct than that’s a yellow flag. Ask about friends of friends. Try to give people a chance.

Really, that’s it. It’s a lot I know. But I have a BTS mindset and am willing to contribute effort for what I want.

I’m not lonely right now. I’m more introspective.