I don’t know if I wrote about this yet, but yesterday I was going through it, when it came to evaluating my life goals. I told myself early on that I wanted these goals to be ingrained in me. They’re traits and lifestyle choices. And I practiced, practiced, and practiced. Until now I am staying true to my lifestyle choices.

But I was side tracked when I saw someone achieve a goal that (firstly, I don’t even want right now). It was such a “big” life goal that I felt like a goldfish instead of a fish in the ocean with other fishies. I’m here struggling to survive, kind of thing. And in truth, that’s what it is.

We all have our stories.

I want to swim with the big fish! I want to be a big fish. I know that intuitively it’s all inside everyone. As humans, we’ve achieved flight, and pyramids, and the ability to instantly communicate across the sea. Our race has potential for everything.

So, it’s nice to be human.

Anyway, I’m still feeling low about it. However I spent some time outside of my head and in the outdoors with sun and fun, and that truly helped. It’s so healthy to just get out of your head, especially when you’re feeling distressed! New friends, and happy memories are my patronus. I’ll never forget finally going under the ten million ton bucket, with my new friend! It was great.

Later this evening my other friend called to check in on me. It was kind of her to try and “prompt me” into telling her exactly three good things about today. She’s asked me twice already and every day I can only come up with one!

It’s a nice habit and very sweet of her. I’ll try harder.

Then my sister texted back, and she had this to say about my lack of inertia problem:

Dude. I’m sad that I’m actually hitting my goals. I said before that I wanted these five traits to be ingrained into me. And feeling monotonous is actually….a good sign that I achieved that goal.

This woman. My sis. She’s the smartest person I know. I have to chew on that thought for a bit.

Anyway, I came on here to talk about my struggle of being unsatisfied with myself despite meeting my goals. Hmm.

I suppose at least this monotony (that I’ve wanted so bad) makes space for something else. Something more that I know will make me complete-r. I don’t know what that is. I’ll just chose one thing and be happy with that for a day. Until I feel better.

Time. Space and time.