Enter D-Day

Yoongi wrote that beautiful flowers can spring from mud. That’s me. I’m the mud flower! 😂🌸 I’m the lotus, or whatever flower I choose to be.

What’s the mud? The mud is crippling insomnia and apathy. It took a year and a half of suffering from debilitating insomnia for me to unexpectedly bloom. I almost drowned and lost it all when I was experiencing physical pain, depression, and then my job got affected (which is my official wake up call because I want to be great at what I do, not sick). I knew I had to get it together before I lost hold of my whole life.

The quicksand happened on a Wednesday night. The previous days before I didn’t sleep at all, and today was no different. I drowned in a 24 hour mudslide of not sleeping. And I called off for the entire week. The stress of disappearing from work and being miserable pushed me to bloom outward. Wednesday night was the insomnia mudslide.

That following Thursday morning (June 8) culminated into me manning up and going to Church, which also realigned with getting my sleep under control, changing my diet to a healthy one, and improving all aspects of my general life activity. I call it a Factory Reset of my life. Everything was happening all at once! When a flower blooms, it’s instantaneous.

Now I am on a ‘health kick’ (a term I gleaned from The Midnight Library). This involves me showing up for myself, for religion, for my family, and for my friends, and also- for BTS.

Because they are the ones who started it all with my happiness and resulting determination to love myself. And with that— I began my daily health/hygiene facial, being true to my vibe, and sleeping.

I show up for BTS by honoring what they stand for.

BTS has taught me that you can reinvent yourself at any moment, and whenever you want to. You can change your persona (for yourself), and yourself in general to however you see fit (from the outside in, or from the inside out). And you are free to do this any time! Be you. Love yourself and speak that truth.

The awareness of “our freedom to reinvent ourselves anytime we want to” is an important lesson, because it teaches us to not be stuck in our ways. For me personally, I needed to bloom out of my germination phase and explore the world (safely and consciously). I had to kick start my healthy life. I’m determined it’ll lead me to better things, and eventually- to greater and happier things!

I am only now learning how to flow. Learning anything is chaotic at first. But then you do it over and over until it becomes a habit, and after habit— it becomes who you are.

If you have Jimin’s determination you become the best. He’s the best. I’ve had the blessing to watch him evolve into his truer self, and become more and more honest to himself throughout the years. Throughout every “Jimin era” (Orange hair being my favorite, and Pink hair era being my birth song), JIMIN has always shown pure talent. That purity comes from practice and hard work. That is all rooted in drive.

I believe that Jimin’s talent purity comes from an innate drive to practice, practice and do it so much that you rise to the top. That kind of perfection that he drips with every moment is built from more than 11 years of work. He’s so amazing. He’s mesmerizing. He’s the one who makes me squeal. If there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s to aspire to have his drive and his determination. He’s at the top for a reason. JIMIN should be spelled in caps lock for all I care about.

And he’s always changing and growing. As should I. The events of the pandemic, their hiatus, and life in general challenges all of us to change and grow.

Jeon Jung Kook can be anything. And he told me once I can have anything too. Coming from the golden maknae, that means something. Maybe Jung Kook’s golden maknae characteristic comes from his ability to find joy and happiness in the moment.

He has said multiple times that he is always in the moment. So that may be the key to becoming golden. I define golden as being naturally talented and happy. Thoughts about pain, the past, and the future can all weigh us down. It’s hard to focus and be good at anything when your confidence is low due to whatever you tell yourself about the past, or your catastrophizing your future (also due to the past).

Maybe being in the present more, and enjoying your present moment, makes you have fun and therefore naturally sets you up for being ‘naturally’ talented. Yoongi said the same thing about work. When you have fun, you work better. Some people just live in the moment have have genuine fun. Jung Kook is one of them, and that makes him glow. I won’t say that I cracked the code of why he’s golden. He may be golden because he just is. What I am saying, is that there may be a pathway for us to tread happily on that golden road!! And that pathway is presence!

Treading the unknown road requires adventure. And that’s where my man Kim Namjoon comes in. It may be his IQ, but this man has balanced introversion and extroversion like artwork, which is appreciates and is all about.

Namjoon is still RAP MONSTER: Rhythm and Poetry. He is the archetype of Beauty and the Beast. His duality makes him a balanced and healthy person, despite the rain and storms and winter. Mr. Beauty and the Beast leads us all to remember that we are connected. That life is still worth living, as he says.

1. Namjoon is an Introvert: he loves bike rides in nature, walking, art, museums, and reading. Even his “I’m not at work” clothing communicates “I’m low key.”

2. Extrovert: Namjoon can switch it up and navigate himself around the celebrity ocean like a friendly dolphin among the masses, is naturally an idol and even a leader, and tempers his long walks with hard beefy exercise workouts! That make him so beefy.

Namjoon’s beautiful brain is literally balancing living in the outside world and the inside world. I love that about him. I aim to be this way.

I started writing about myself and this post turned into a BTS bias love analysis. How appropriate, because this blog is about all of us. Talking about my life and how it’s changed due to these men is the most genuine type of love I can express to them. There’s four other more men I can expand on. But the golden trio of JIMIN, Jung Kook, and Namjoon are who I aspire to learn from and adapt to my life with. To bloom and grow!

So yeah. I love BTS.

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EPILOGUE:

Since my blog post is titled with numbers, I’ll end this post with one of their Numerical songs.

I just read the translation to 134340. Okay, but they all just called me out to what’s happening between us. I really didn’t want to touch on how their hiatus has affected me and also my relationship with them. But this was a straight up “I’m calling you to face yourself.” from the guys. Damn. The truth.

AND ITS A MIRRORED TRUTH. Because I am singing the same exact song because I feel the same about them!

Regardless, we’ll stay together forever. I have hope that we’ll circle around each other for a thousand years (as JIMIN’s Set Me Free chest says): “I live my life in widening circles that reach out across the world”.

It’s time to go and get it. My heart is ready.

Here is an audio recording of everything I wanted to say. It’s not this introspective, it’s more just me raving about having an awesome day.

And this specific blog title “242526” refers to the significant dates in June; where I also unexpectedly celebrated my new lifestyle, by having the best time with my friend at the pool, and making new friends and smashing my nutrition and sleep goals! The audio at the end explains the culmination of my great days!! Cheers to more growth and flowers and thriving. Cheers to a healthy, happy, beautiful, and fulfilling life!

I’m sending great vibes your way!

Love and happiness. 🫶🏻