I am quite melancholy, and so I must therefore expose you, dear reader, to my coping mechanism of writing about my self-observations. This post is an exercise of expressing myself with the new words that I have learned, thanks to reading more often.

So let’s talk about my problems in a fancy way, friend. Zip up your hoodie and catch my thoughts.

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I’m not one known for my reticence so I will just get straight into my problem without preamble. I have a pathological illness when it comes to purchasing BTS items. Sometimes I make egregious financial mistakes that land me in seemingly life long debt. And I am persistently bemused by my tendency to make capricious choices when inundated with Hybe’s announcements of new merch or worse: a tour.

As much as I would love to be the paragon of a financially grounded ARMY, I now find myself perpetually betwixt choosing one item versus another, because I shouldn’t afford both. And yet I buy both, and then I go and buy more. The impudence with which I treat my financial welfare is shocking.

How did I get this way?! It remains an enigma to me of how I began to experience high levels of FOMO and irrational feelings toward items I don’t want.

It remains an enigma of how I began to experience these ruminations. Anyway; it’s good to be melancholy. Whether this lonely feeling was brought upon by (the very real) Post-Concert Depression syndrome, or if it is simply a case of melancholia matters not.

Feeling melancholy is good. It is good and healthy for us to experience a range of emotions. I can only hope to discover more positive-type emotions that I haven’t yet experienced. Surely theres an antonym for my emotional state right now.

Namjoon Oppa. You once told me: “I wish there was a better word than love.” I feel the same. I wish there were many words created for a great number of positive emotions that we barely register simply because we don’t have a name for it. (I also referring to the Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis):

It’s okay. There are wild flowers and some don’t even have a name. And there is you, Kim Namjoon. You understand me as I you.

Sometimes we grow fields, and other times we can only notice one flower. As long as we continue to bloom, that’s all that truly matters.

Exit melancholia, enter rest.