The past few weeks have been bad. I’m just going to out right say it because not talking about it doesn’t erase the fact that it exists. Maybe it’s time to acknowledge the darkness in my life. Nothing externally is dark at all, and I’m so thankful for that. The battle is within.

My brain is not happy. Maybe it’s low on dopamine or serotonin. Whatever it is, I’ve been feeling physical pain and exhaustion and distress. More than once have I cried out an SOS in the middle of the night.

But I’m coping, and that’s great. I reached out to my best friend. I told my mom I wasn’t feeling good, I brushed my teeth and washed my face. I ate meals and took my meds. I journaled and now I am blogging. I am staying true to my new hobby. Yes. I have a new hobby. I embroider now! Like a proper 19th century Lady! 👗

I improved dramatically over the past three days. I am mostly self taught. Look at my amazing leaf. I’m so proud of it. I’m thankful I have the dexterity to do these things. It’s cool that I’m actually making something, which is what I wanted to do.

There has to be meaning in life and so most days I write out an intention. Perhaps tomorrow I will dedicate my work day to making money. I don’t feel good in general. But I know it’s going to help me all around. Being busy keeps me away from brooding.

I’m officially paying for this blog and so I want to continue. I’ll strive to add in nine dollars worth of premium content. Lately I’ve done bare minimum, which is maximum given my depression.

Hobi enlisted and I did a good job of staying away from that goodbye. He wouldn’t want me to break down the way we’ve both been breaking down lately. I cried a good amount watching YTC mv. That’s enough heightened emotion for now.

I only noticed yesterday that Hobi’s front face profile is absolutely immaculate. He’s a really handsome guy. I never noticed this before because most of the pictures that he takes are of his face being angled and Hybe doesn’t do him justice. They should take more pictures of Hobi facing front words.

Hobi, I don’t want to say goodbye to you and so I won’t. I don’t want to expose myself to any unnecessary stress. The fact is your enlisted now and I’m going to be thankful for the fact that you’re in a good environment. Good in a sense that you’re away from the stress and pressures of being an idol. As I said, I just hope that they don’t push you too hard. I hope that you’re able to use your celebrity card to get a little bit of special treatment, because in all honesty, you are special.

I’m done dictating. It’s 1147 and I should rest.

Hope world 🌼