Still desserts. I’ve decided that. I usually don’t document the negative things around me because I just don’t want that energy to linger. But boy, the past 20 or so days were not it.

Events happened that caused me to fixate, which resulted in more and more stress. My well-being was damaged and that was exacerbated by my continued insomnia. Last night I almost had a mental breakdown. Fixation and obsession about your circumstance will kill you. At the very least, it’ll kill your vibe.

If I take a step back and look at the pattern: every stressful event has been caused by closing a cycle or struggling to open a new one. I mentioned before how important it is to me to conclude the circular events of my life.

I’ve mentioned the fact that my life thus far has run in cycles, and the only way to change that is by closing the circle as best as I can.

BTS has always been my hope. The above picture is more of a visual diagram of what I want to do with my life. I act to cut things clean, close the cycle, and move forward into something else (hopefully better) in my life. A new adventure, a new me.

They say overthinking causes suffering. I’ve committed that pain against myself. It hasn’t done anything other than cause emotional distress, shame, embarrassment, and self-rejection.

So that’s one cycle I must overcome: overthinking. That’s a difficult one, but if I can temper my brain into being efficient, then I can go on with my life happily. I already know what to do. I just have to have the confidence to do it.

Religion, insomnia, and love are the three things that are currently stressing me out. Therefore I have to resolve these cycles regarding love, religion, and sleep. By resolve; I mean ending cycles and beginning new ones.

It’s good to speak your truth, and to learn when to speak to others and how much to say. Being concise and not superfluous nor damaging was another challenge that arose for me.

See? I have plenty of obstacles to overcome.

My biggest one is sleep. Out of desperation I’m going to call out my one birthday wish and say: I wish to be free of insomnia.

Other than all those obstacles, I am challenged to go with the flow, protect my energy, and raise it.

There’s blueberry yogurt cake. I need to relax. I’ll start with that.

Happy birthday, to me!