I wish I could get rid of my illness in the same way that Jung Kook just nonchalantly dropped 7 years and 42 million people.

His un-attachment continues to be in line with my unbothered king. Things stick though, like the millions of people you dropped and the time that can’t be unspent. Yeah, illness is like that too. Hair grows back even when we cut it. What else?

I suppose it’s unfair to compare choice versus illness. Instagram was a choice, illness is not. But still, my feelings are my feelings and I feel thus so.

Jung Kook loves to sing Stay (which is more about changes) by Justin Bieber. I prefer Intentions, or Changes (which is more about staying the same).

I’d never delete my ig. Never is a hard promise, what I mean is that it’s highly unlikely.

I cherish my memories and I’m attached to the archive or pictures. Perhaps that’s why I vibe most with Namjoon these days. He deleted his stuff but I’m sure it’s in his archives.

Changes happen on the horizon and they’re met with more chaos than I thankfully am. What I’m saying is; I’m the inverse.

In verse. I’m not exactly “opposite”, because I’m still part of the song. Still on the track list. Still me.

Still

Being still, lying still, still this and that.

Will my insomnia ever go away? Can I ever be like Jung Kook, who in certain ways, I do admire. I’d like to embody the best traits from them.

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I’ve changed too. Every day I’m changing. Every day is a new situation and a new chance to respond and behave.

I want to be me, the real me. RM.

I never understood Persona, Map of the Soul, Fake Love, and Black Swan until I got more experience. Now I recognize these concepts with more depth and a greater appreciation for their meaning.

I was made more aware of masks (personas) and the bravery it takes to change, and even more guts to change into who you feel you are. To identify yourself, and to accept and live your truth. Good and not so good.

I learned this by observing BTS’ struggle to change into themselves after having spent so many years fiercely changing personas for the sake of art.

What am I trying to say? I am an in-verse trying to be part of the universe. I’m writing in fragments my dear. These are just strings of thought.

Things don’t always have to have a coherency right?

One thing is for certain

This makes me want to finish things that I started. I want to clear out my drafts section of this word press. I want to finish my hiatus on Mikrokosmos. I want to finish out my ankle sabbatical and return to work (realistically). I want to finish this episode of depression. I want to properly conclude the rabbit year celebrations. That’s all for now really.

Finishing things cause changes.

I want to finish what I started.