MOA stands for
Moments of Alwaysness
Oooooo. I love this. What a beautiful acronym TXT has for their fan base. And what a beautiful and inspirational song prompt for me! It’s so high vibrational energy and such a wonderful prompt title.
Let’s get into it, in a diary-like fashion (the way Soobin would want it to be). I’ll write 7 diary entries, 7 MOAS.
Entry 1: BTS
Dear Diary,
What is my moment of alwaysness?
BTS is my MOA. Let me explain. I’ve always been afraid of tattoos, but when I think on it— I want one. Something around 0:00, a generic love yourself red string, a number 8 on my ankle, or most of all—- Flowers.
How beautiful for you and me to meet
in the space between. Especially since our names are punctuated as so.
Flowers have a love language. In my writings of Mikrokosmos, I often refer to Namjoon, Jungkook, and Jimin as flowers. So perhaps I’ll find an exceedingly talented tattoo artist to give me that above tattoo⬆️, with a small piece stating “for the rest of my life”.
The moment I discovered BTS was in the beginning of 2020 as I was lying in bed and scrolling though YouTube. I found a clip of them performing Boy with Luv, and I was mesmerized by Jimin’s hair and face as he danced. I loved the choreo and I couldn’t stop replaying it.
Next thing you know, I buy MOTS7 album on my phone. I didn’t know at the time that it was a new album and era for them. I wasn’t initially impressed with everything, but I did have a few songs favorited and on replay.
I remember adding: Moon, Make it Right, 0:00, and We are Bulletproof, the eternal on my new kpop mash remix playlist. I spent the rest of that spring and early summer walking at the park and listening to MOT, as well as most of Love Yourself: Answer (my favorite album at the time).
I eventually buy a Weverse membership to get an army bomb, and spend my time happily watching videos and clips of my boys. They’re so funny, handsome, and loveable!! I even bought a MOTS concert ticket that I never went to because of the Pandemic. The pandemic was a time of uncertainty and stress, but a lot of needed-days-off. BTS saved me from being depressed about COVID.
Summer 2021 rolls around and I find my life’s work and legacy: which is writing my memories of them in a document that I call Mikrokosmos. I don’t intended to publish it or for it to be read by anyone. It’s intimate, private, and between us. So I feel a strong sense of achievement because for once I did something for me, and not for the public.
Fall 2021 drops a bomb. BTS announce their first concert since the pandemic, and I scramble to make my dreams come true. BTS teaches me how to network with my coworkers at work. I scramble to get days off and work days moved around, all in order to be able to attend all four PTD concerts in LA. That was a wild ride and an adventure!
It was my first adventure on my own since Florida. And I did crazy things— such as finding a stranger on Twitter and getting into her car just so I didn’t have to wait for an uber! I branched out as a social butterfly by spear heading an anonymous meet and greet: which eventually became an advantageous group chat! I brought people together. Because of BTS I made new friends!
I also did outrageous things like changing my flight three times, spending over 5K on a ticket. I made bad decisions with amazing consequences.
The ride wouldn’t repeat itself until Hybe announced another four concerts in Vegas, of which I was able to attend three. But I had to fly across the country twice to do so. Falling and staying asleep on the entire flight home was the first time I knocked out that badly. That concert had some snags and it tested my ability to protect my energy. But anyways, the last day of the concert was the absolute best!
I threw all caution to the wind and began partying and dancing the whole way through the concert. There wasn’t pressure anymore to take up-close videos. I just wanted to have fun with my guys. And I did.
This was a moment of alwaysness that I’ll never forget. And it’s mad even more precious by the knowledge that this was their final concert before they broke up (for two years) and branched off. I got to see the last dance! even made friends!
Blessing: I got to see their first concert since the pandemic, and their last US concert as a group before going on hiatus. I made it to history.
BTS tested my limits and showed me that I could really work full time and overtime if I really wanted to. They showed me I’m capable of re-inventing myself all because I want to, whenever I want to. They taught me more about loving myself, and modeled the type of people I should love. They made me do adventurous things I haven’t done before.
I became a person who is unafraid of pursuing my happiness. Even more important: I became a person who pursued happiness again, when before I was just stagnant in depression. They are role models. They showed me that I am more, and capable of being more. Overall- there isn’t a time that BTS hasn’t made me smile. I’ve grown, become happier, independent, and more creative all because I decided to be an ARMY. They make me so happy. So happy.
Yes, I am completely certain that I will love BTS for all of my life. And my love is NOT because they’re talented and musical entities that have visuals for days. It’s because the guys make me smile. And they make me happy. And I’ve smiled and was happy because of them, even when there wasn’t much to be happy about. Bangtan Seonyeondan – you are my moment of alwaysness. I’ll always be thankful to you. I love you. Truly.
ENTRY 2: Thanksgiving
Dear Diary,
I’m going to talk about the absolute best Thanksgiving I’ve ever had. Actually, this entry is coming from a direct except from one of my old journals. It’s more of a day-by-say objective account rather than a “dear diary” type of reflective writing. I wanted to document every memory, knowing that this is the best Thanksgiving ever.
Retrospect Wednesday pre thanksgiving
I’m writing this entry out of order mainly for the reason that I want to record the beginning of my holiday. I got this awesome massage that was an 80 minute signature massage at Mario tricoci, she did a great job on my neck and shoulders. Then I went out to China town with Jose. But for lunch I had ramen and matcha cream at Roka Akor. I got my hair done too. It was a steady paced day and a great beginning to my holiday!
Thanksgiving
I’ve decided to forgo the gym today to stay at home and watch Disney plus movies with my family. My dog sleeps on my chest. We’ve watched home alone one and two so far. Now we’re on the sound of music. I might paint later today. Or I might take back my decision and go to the gym anyway. I didn’t stuff myself like I thought I would. I had some turkey with cranberry and mashed potatoes with gravy and pumpkin pie and sparkling grape juice. It was a hefty thanksgiving meal. I might read a book. I might just chat it up with my mom, or laze around social media. How do I feel? A little sore from not moving around. Maybe I’ll invest in that treadmill like I said I would. All four candles are lit on this holiday: salted caramel, ski lodge, merry cookie, and a mint candle from last year. My first name stands for Maria. It’s pretty cool I was named after the Virgin Mary. Kind of.
Day after
Aww! I can’t believe it’s over. Rather, done. How was my thanksgiving? Relaxing. I didn’t stuff myself like I expected. But I did have a chai latte to wake myself up. And I had turkey with cranberries, mashed potato with gravy, and pumpkin pie. We went to church as a family. We watched movies all day. Then we went to the mall for some early bird Black Friday shopping. Now it’s nearly 10 (a little too late for the door busters) but we’re still going to gurnee to scope out the sales. I hope there are lots of sales! I only wish I could’ve savored thanksgiving more. But I enjoyed it nonetheless. We burned all four candles. And it’s still the holiday! I have shopping to look forward to. I also have the gym and brunch tomorrow with a friend and the Harry Potter orchestra on Sunday and possibly another date on Monday. A self date for sure. Point is it’s still the holidays. Happy Black Friday to me.
Black Friday
We went to gurnee today. I didn’t need shoes but we bought them anyway, and for a great price! My fashion sense has been changing. I’m still about fashion and function, but these days I lean more toward function: comfort and sweatpants and anything warm. I got three pairs of cool looking shoes. One is glittery and dark and high fashion. The second is semi springy and fallish duck shoe. The third is a pair of classic duck boots. Everything was under 25. Everything is uber comfortable. Then I got a hot pink winter hat and scarf set. Bath and body works lip gloss, the iced cinnamon soap that I’m in love with, and a romance body wash. We bought some fancy necklaces and fashionable earrings. Mom got me a rainbow of cardigans with special buttons. Then I went on a target haul and got fleece sweatpants and Sherpa sweaters: lilac and cream and some other color: perhaps purple. We did excellent this year. Mom got a matching pair of duck boots for herself and a deluxe Hoover carpet cleaner. Right now we’re chilling in the living room going through receipts and wearing shoes. This has been a really nice holiday. Full of food family and fun. Tomorrow I’m going to go to jewel to get some holiday cookies and spend the evening watching movies and drinking tea with cookies. After church.
Black Friday on a Saturday
Spent another great day at Macy’s with mom and dad. Got these cute boots in a caramel color for 16! Splurged on a New Years dress and fur shawl. Got my fave Eskimo winter coat in champagne pink. It was awesome. I don’t regret cancelling my lunch at all. I got to spend the morning with my parents. And we ate siopao and Filipino soup for lunch. Now we’re all just lazing around until church. Then we’re going to jewel. Then I’m planning on having tea and cookies, with all the candles lit, and maybe a movie. I can read a book. I can go to the gym but I don’t want to since my parents might leave. I just want to spend more time with them. It’s the holiday. Tomorrow I have my Chicago symphony orchestra playing of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. These few days have been wonderful, and I thank my mom for trying so hard to make it a good holiday for me.
Harry Potter Chicago symphony orchestra day
Today will be a lazy morning. I had gym set up for my schedule but I’m feeling lazy and it’s still the holiday, so I’ll pass. I’m probably not gonna get up til 1230. Then leave the house at 130 after my 1pm lunch. Get there around 2-230. Laze and enjoy the atmosphere. Who knows I might still go to the gym at 1130 to do a half hour walk.
Cyber Monday
Today was a chill uneventful day. It took me a while to get out of bed today. But when I did get up I went to the bookstore. Since it’s the last day of my thanksgiving week I figured I’d skip the gym one more time before returning to the regular schedule. I went to the bookstore and had a peppermint latte. I bought a book and tea and one matcha maker online. I can safely say that I participated in all the holiday markers for the holiday week: pre holiday massage and Chinatown date, all day holiday thanksgiving festivities which include lighting of candles and holiday movies, Black Friday shopping from Thursday night to Saturday morning, Chicago symphony orchestra date, and chill mall Monday where I bought online gifts for myself for cyber Monday.
It was a great holiday week. Quite successful. Relaxing, paced well. Looking forward, I have a weeks worth of work before I have my winter break. I haven’t set any holiday plans for my winter break but I definitely want to make it something special. Maybe a health sabbatical where I go to the gym every day. I’ll make plans now.
And that’s it! That’s how the most relaxing and happiest family-filled thanksgiving happened for me. It’s was a moment of alwaysness that I will always want to re-live.
Entry 3: I turn 30
Dear Diary,
I turned 30 in 2017, and at the time I really needed a vacation. But before that, there was a day (03/20) that randomly began the ease of coming into the hills of happiness and calm. I went to get a massage at Mario Tricoci. I remember saying satisfactedly: this is the best day of my life.
I remember still dealing with my newly diagnosed illness. And there was a lot of adjustment and back and forth about the level of independence I should have. One day I was sick of it and decided to take a vacation. To declare my independence and also to celebrate a milestone in my life; my 30s. So I took one for myself: to Universal Studios Orlando! At the time we all had qualms because I was still on and off sick. But I did it anyway and I had the time of my life. It was my very first solo vacation and affirmation of my independence. I had a freaking blast.
Things sometimes align perfectly. And my hearts happiness came when Alex and William we’re performing on my birthday! It was also perfect timing for me to go to Orlando because I was able to watch William Singe and Alex Aiono.
Magic happened and Alex noticed me and gave me his water bottle that he drank from. (he even gave me his water bottle! What an ultimate fan girl moment to win like that).
There are so many things I love about that vacation. I walked around, did whatever I wanted to do, rode and re-rode all my rides, listened to music, and just all-out had fun and relaxed and was hectic but mostly has a great time. I went into my own world and everything around me felt new and fun.
I know deep in my heart how important this break was for me. It was a while ago and so I can’t recall the exact intensity of my happiness; only that I was certainly happy and it definitely felt like a vacation. I even got to see Emma Watson’s movie on Beauty and the Beast (live action). It was all perfectly timed and well.
These moments on my 30th birthday are precious. I had fun, freedom, and happiness. I hope for more of these moments. March is my blessed month, and it is my lucky month because it was the Month I was born into this world of love and journey.
I want to remember the sun. And the audible or music in my ears as I wandered around.
Entry 4
The Renaissance summer
of drive-through Movies
Dear Diary,
It’s fitting I continue this thread about the summer with my parents, because I just got home from the same excursion. I’m going to talk about my parents and the wonderful summer we had together. We did so many things; such as candle making and going to a lantern festival. The highlight MOA was when we went to the Renaissance faire and watched a drive-through movie in the summer!
This was the summer of magic resilience, because I still bloomed despite my stress. And I got to experience all kinds of wonderful and magical things with my new friends.
My parents are my biggest MOAs of my life. I take nothing for granted with them. And I’m so blessed that I spent these moments experiencing experiences together and happiness.
Entry 5:
2021 milestones because of a new friend
Man. 2021 was so good to me. It’s amazing what one persons friendship can do for another human being! At the time I was recovering from one of my illnesses, and wasn’t feeling the greatest.
But she helped me come out of my shell. By the middle of the year I was attending parties and taking care of myself. I looked and felt amazing. Honestly, it was mostly thanks to her and her constant friendship in my life.
Work was so much better and I even made new friends. It felt good to sit at a table with people you genuinely like and like you. It was a time in my life that I appreciated.
Anyway, she linked me up to more people and mor friends. She showed me that I was capable of making new friends and banishing the social awkwardness created by the pandemic and my health. So I met people and I socialized.
I went into a beautiful dip where I created my life’s work; Mikrokosmos. Even then, I was happier than I’ve felt in years!
I lost weight. Like, wow.
And by the end of the year, I had the courage and confidence to pursue my desires. I went out to Los Angeles, met even more people and made a social network for myself. I saw the loves of my life: BTS.
And after all that, I danced the night away to my new year! But yeah; 피아 was my MOA. I’ll always be thankful that we met. Forever!
Entry 6
Marcy
She’s my constant friend, my love, my everything.
Entry 7
Yet to come!
What do I look forward to?
Vacationing in the Maldives. Also- traveling to South Korea’s cherry blossom festival. And also traveling to the UK because my very first fandom was being a Potterhead.
I look forward to genuinely falling in love. I look forward to having a healthy relationship with someone I truly care about. I look forward to helping and caring and all that wonderful ness that comes with a real relationship; including mature fights and imperfections.
I look forward to being physically healthy: sleep, nutrition, brain, emotions. It’s all in limbo but I want to be on the high side of the wave.
I look forward to seeing my parents every day.
I look forward to my life. I look forward to meeting new people and making new friends.
I look forward to meeting Namjoon and Jung Kook.
I look forward to completing my bingo goals.
I look forward to my Mikrokosmos finale
I look forward to miracles and meeting and marrying the love of my life
Him.
Jeonin & Majuning 
Leave a comment