The fourth season of You came out, and the hunter was more or less the hunted. I can’t remember much detail about whatever many episodes I binged, but I do know that Joe was being harassed and haunted by his British author idol. Not as bloody of a mess as I expected, although the season did it’s cringiest to say “bloody hell”.

All of season 4 was one big lie. Joe was doing his best to come clean and be reformed. He was basically there, except blood kept attaching itself to him like the Priory of the Orange Tree’s red plague.

It makes me think about how much of our past can never be bleached. So we do our best to tell direct truths and live-able lies. For me, I’ve basically come clean to myself about myself. And yet all it takes is the switch of a red lantern to be thrown back into a red haze.

Joe ends up using his dark side to more or less play detective against a different type of sociopath. His stalking skills aim to protect the person he would’ve been stalking himself, had he not changed his ways. He even uses his mortician skill set to protect his innocence. I mean, that poor old body guard got unalived. So that was his bad. But for the most part Joe was reformed.

For the most part, I’ve changed as well. Although I do have remnant darkness in me. I’m a petty thief who can be petty with my temper. I’m proud to say I’ve let go of jealousy, controlling, and overly critical commentary. It’s there though, lurking in the darkness as a default protective mechanism. Although the mechanism is faulty. It’s my Joe.

Anyway, about lying. Sometimes we lie to ourselves and sometimes we lie to others. I’ve been doing a mixture of both, and I suffocate myself because I can’t just face it. I’d rather lie to myself and let the show go on. Smoke and mirrors.

I can’t face the truth.

Because the truth is inconvenient. So I go on and on with my lies. They’re not bloody. It’s just me who’s bleeding. I should stop before I emotionally hurt someone else. I should face the truth. I should.

This is the first blog post that I can’t relate any Bts picture to. BTS is so pure and innocent in my life, and in all aspects related to me. So maybe I’ll sprinkle some Hobi water on this dark post the way Seokjin did to me during their concert in LA.

BTS is my saving grace. If I bleed, I bleed true.