Namjoon went from blue to grey the very same night I slipped. And all I can say is that I’m sorry. I can’t even bring up “it won’t happen after this.” Because I respect him and I won’t make empty promises about uncertain situations. And the multiverse suddenly seems uncertain.

I am in the gray zone. There are two red demarcations on either side of me, and on either side is love. Right?

Or left? Is it left or right? Because these memories follow me day and night. If “Go Ask Alice” was in wonderland, she’d be chasing me and we’d both find ourselves frantically running out of time.

And tonight is tonight, or early morn. All I know is that it’s 2:03 and I’m clutching on to my engagement ring and whatever red strings I’m trying to preserve.

I have a choice. Living with and loving JIMIN taught me all about choices.

I can’t grow anything unless I sleep. Sleep is overtaking me. Namjoon, I’m sorry. Jung Kook, especially you.

I’m never having psex again. I’m going back to my forest of flowering trees. 🏮