I end my insomnia by asking “who tf is Duryan?”

She is a character from The Priory of the Orange tree. I just can’t recall who she is. And I’m actually too tired to read and find out.

Durian is a smelly fruit, yes? My question is unrelated to the main Duryan topic, which heralds more unrelated things below. ⬇️💘

It’s midnight, and my thoughts land on JIMIN. My attention focuses on his seductive talent, and my newfound appreciation for his tenor pitched voice. No doubt he sounds a thousand times sexier when he doesn’t strain it, and especially when he lowers his register. Jimin Park is a King. In all aspects.

Speaking of Heaven and Hell, I procured immoral seats to Jackson Wang’s concert on a day that I have work. There’s a lot of bad things that I must do to get where I want to be. Ideally it’s a meet and greet, but my financial circumstance landed me with a shady yet affordable seat.

It’s all thanks to my generous beau, who makes me feel guiltiest of all because I didn’t intend on turning him into a kpop sugar daddy. Ugh. He’s so generous and I promise to stop asking for things after all this Wang-a-langing. I am not the type to take advantage of people. And yet…

Jackson Wang, the demon that he is: is hot hot hot! The snippets I see of his concerts make me do a double turn, as in — does kpop really allow this sort of BDSM stripping? It’s not BDSM, but from his costume and presentation, J-daddy-demon definitely knows “who’s getting hot in the body shop.” Applause to Mr. Jackson for doing his own Jay Park-ish thing.

The comparison is not an insult, it’s just me saying that Jackson is a firecracker with balls and no fear to strip. He is the sexy as ever Magic Man that gives us a tour of Hell…if Hell was unfulfilled sex from the top floor of an arena. Don’t get me wrong, barricade seats are probably worse. (Still, I want it, the sweet torture.) I need the drip up close. Any kind of drip. I will gladly absorb blood, sweat, or tears.

I also want to see Jackson because we have history together. I’m going to see him because he was my very first semi-bias (back when I didn’t even know what bias meant) in my semi-first kpop group. (Back when I wasn’t into kpop).

But I mainly want to see him because—he’s hot. No surprises there. I hope he somehow chooses me on crutches and serenades me. His concerts are wild and any magic can happen. I sure do wish I can meet him.

Which reminds me: I wish even more to meet the LOMLS: BTS! There are indeed many talented men out there, as are authors and books— but I stay true and blue to BTS.

Back to basics: the men who authored and delivered us BST raw. Back to you.

Jimin, Jung Kook, and Namjoon can not easily be replaced. None of them can. That’s the root of it. They’re not flowers. In my life they are trees that bloom flowers. Namjoon is like the golden ginkgo biloba tree, and Jung Kook represents our eternal pink cherry blossoms trees, where I spent my birthday collecting petals with him.

Even Jimin’s water lilies eagerly rise from the depths of the water, to take meaningful root inside my heart. They all have deep roots in my heart; a life not so easily replaced. On top of that, I was given magical open door that was promised to me. It’s my own living space to weather the rain, or relax. And it stays open, even in the midst of (unwanted) change.

Enter the Black Rose.

Does this black rose somehow entreat me to close the Magic shop? Can I Let Go? Can I move on to another chapter?

I don’t know how to respond. I think black roses are cool, even before I read into what they symbolize. Beau has promised to give me a bouquet of these black roses. How interesting. And beautiful. I don’t know how else to respond, other than caring for them and appreciating every single petal. The symbolism certainly sends the message to the point.

Trees and flowers. I love all.

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Anyway, back to The Orange Priory Tree. (only because orange is the color of desire and we’re talking about trees with roots).

Whoever this character Duryan is, I’d imagine her to have bipolar disorder and currently experiencing a psychotic episode (based off the last few lines before I closed my book). Poor Duryan, I hope you don’t have the red plague.

Speaking of red:

Soon it will be Chinese Black Rabbit year, and I’m already experiencing plot twists. Things aren’t going as planned, but I’m flowing and trying to navigate my waters. I still want to have fun. I want to celebrate myself and my family, and those that I love.

Sending out red wish envelopes was a great idea. Now it’s like, I want to do fun stuff for myself. This includes eating all the delicious rabbit cakes, having Chinese food with my family, seeing some friends, wearing red, putting lanterns up together, and overall relaxing and having fun. I also want to attend all the events: Chinatown parade, Navy Pier shows, and fancy wagyu hot pot. And for my fbf? I want to send out my healing vibes to him.

This round-about blog entry started with the mysterious Duryan. I’m sure I’ll find out who she is tomorrow. What I’m happiest about is taking the chance to see “beau” now, because the future is uncertain (illness and injury). It’s happened twice. So I’m grabbing every opportunity “while the soup is hot.” As mother would say.

It’d be cool to watch rabbit on the moon with my parents. I’d like to give them small red gifts too. I’m a happy girl. And I’m a thankful girl.

Duryan, whoever you are, I hope you feel better and are at a better place.

I’ll end this entry as I nearly always do, with Namjoon Kim. Daddy Namjoon.

Love,

Me. I’m Her.