—-Up here having adult conversations with my fbf , in order to foster an adult relationship. My fbf once said “how can I take care of someone if I can’t even take care of myself?” That was like, circa 2017.

Sleeping well, eating better, exercising, and financially stabilizing would count as “taking care of myself”. These are life foundations that I haven’t had the energy to address. And so here I am with Marcy.

So far the only thing I have checked is my mental stability and emotional contentment. Those things are very important too. They are pivotal to a happy life. I should still look up at the above and actually take care of myself.

Ever since the opportunity has arisen to enter a relationship, I’ve approached it warily; wanting to go slow if not at all. The dopamine spikes are missing and I’m glad of it. Neurotransmitters can eff up your judgement.

…Which means my return to M theory, back to Namjoon and certainly back to Jung Kook, and a JIMIN’s lips. Back to looking up at the green stars in my bed because of JK. It’s so much simpler this way, and they truly make me smile. Every day.

I’m okay with that. I’m ok with being honest with myself. I’m ok with moving forward at my own pace; wherever forward will hopefully lead me.

I want to be happy. I am happy. I’m going to be even happier. Yes.

Marcy sleeps and so must I, in this space between.

Ya Namjunie. Could you find a love in me? Could you carve me a tree? Here’s a Time Knife. I am the time knife.

Good night Big Blue