How is it December 4 already? I flew into my hometown and saw all the Christmas lights. My Thanksgiving was an alternative holiday (we flew to Vegas and ate cheap mall food), so perhaps that threw off my sense of time. No turkey, no Black Friday. Just sleep and dealing with the pain in my thighs. Not to mention my immobility. It isn’t that bad, I’m good.

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On an entirely different note:

Hey Namjoon, I never knew you were that heartbroken. This man literally stood in front of the world without a hint of his feelings and private life (that according to Indigo), fell apart. I could never handle that amount of stress and still show the world not a hint of anything that’s awry. But what he did despite his pain certainly inspires me to do my best, despite whatever internal chaos may come.

I’m sure all of them have gone through personal heartbreak, but none of them showed it as much as it normally and usually shows. They pressed on. BTS reached the top despite the pain. I’m really sorry about that. Maybe going to work helped you, as all distractions do. But in those quiet moments that you spend alone on a plane, or in your hotel room is when you felt it most. You were hurt when you could’ve been resting.

I do know what heartbreak feels like. I know heart break feels like in many shades, forms, and colors. But I haven’t felt that as a celebrity. It makes me respect BTS even more. It makes me even more thankful that they’re in my life, making me smile during my own hardships.

Okay, now I’m tearing up so I will stop. But before I do: Thank you so much. My “thanks” has evolved into a different color and has gained so much more depth. You have created your very own color in my heart. It isn’t orange, red, or indigo. It’s simply the color of you. I love you. Truly. And I will show you that every day, and especially when we meet again.

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Deep breaths.

December is a time of closure for me.

Maybe it’s something like truly finishing black swan reunion. Perhaps it’s doing more of the things on my bingo list. What else? I’d like to finish the final post to my TXT lovesick series on this blog. I believe there are only two song titles left. I can burn out the candles that need burning. The insomnia definitely needs to conclude.

In other less emotional news, I want to work out and make money. I want to organize my things. For me, December is all about tying up loose ends and concluding certain things.

There are many subtle things that I can tie up. I don’t forsee any big things for me to finish. At least, not anything I’m ready to handle. But perhaps those things must be handled as well. Even thinking about it gives me anxiety..

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Ah well. It’s December 4.