This is probably the perfect time to record the Black Swan era in my life, since I’m suddenly incapacitated by an injury to my ankle. Those Black Swan chapters talk about my other bad accident too: specifically when I fell off during a zip line accident and my world came crumbling down with me. Dark stuff.
I’ve gone dark too, as I’ve been off the radar of writing in general. I got injured and my taste for talking went away. I don’t have an appetite. I’m probably constipated. And my sprained ankle refuses to bear weight to the point that I’m experiencing back problems.
SEGWAYING into my ER experience.
Moving forward: what I need is an MRI to look for torn ligaments, and a fast track to physical therapy. My emergency room visit was underwhelming. It took two hours to get an X-ray, six hours for them to give me an ace wrap AND something for my pain, and discharged me ON CRUTCHES with a THREE day note to return to work. And follow up with a hand surgeon. Idiots.
I suppose I should’ve spoken up more for my care: such as demanded an ice pack or any sort of treatment for my tennis ball sized ankle. The nurse said it would take a while to give me a sock 💀 when I asked for it. In my defense I was in a lot of pain and shock and couldn’t think clearly. I mean look at this!
I eventually asked for pain meds toward the end of my 6 hour visit. The nurse left me alone in a wheelchair to pee out a pregnancy test that they insisted on, before giving me ibuprofen. I don’t care about the test, I care about the fact that I had to maneuver myself on the toilet like an experienced clown. I pulled on the help-me lever, no one came. So I struggled to open the damn door myself. That emergency room was…eww.
And to top it off, the nurse didn’t know how to use crutches. I had to learn it on my own as I waddled into my car with zero assistance. And that’s the end of my $300+ sub par experience in the ER. : return to work in 3 days, follow up with hand surgeon. 🤡
Anyways— back to the reason that I should restart my efforts at my autobiography: specifically the Black Swan saga. Black Swan represents a time in one’s life when one considers giving up. Because life events can be overwhelming. It’s also a song that ends on an elevated note: I’m not giving up.
Except maybe Koo. Jung Kook once compared me to a black swan, in jest. It was a teasing jab because I can be difficult. And the nickname stuck years later, with the final note being the sweetest I’ve ever heard. But that’s between me, him, and the mastermind pianist that is James Wong.
I don’t want to get into that. Wonderful things should be left sacred and private.
So back to the present. Back to my life in Volume 2 as I struggle to write out volume 1. They say that whoever won the noble prize this year proved that time isn’t linear. They, as in my memory.
If time isn’t linear, than surely I can jump around my biography and write at different points in life— wherever is comfortable.
This ankle discomfort/injury should provide an open forum to writing about the darker sides, the black part of my biography. It’s the part I’d rather avoid talking about. Its the struggle of having debilitating surgery and having to travel across an entire ocean before anything of me fully healed. Imagine. Compared to my grey ankle pain, that was the worst.
But it’s there. It’s there for me to shed light on. As the main character of my life, it’s my duty to circumspect and edit in my lessons learned. Or at least document how I got through the trauma. They say life events happen circularly and this ankle business was a prelude to the zip line accident that halted my relationships.
If you’ve been keeping up; you probably know this is all about Mikrokosmos. Its my life’s work that is dedicated to writing about the astronomical events that have happened to me over these past two years. It’s still in the making.
Why did I title it Mikrokosmos?
We’re just a bunch of stars. We are the stars in our show. We are not stars in the sky who are meant to shine long enough to defy time. I’d like to think we’re made of Star dust, that it goes beyond the cute army bomb. And as a collective we shine.
And independently? We glow.
But right now, I’m knee deep in the grey: where I can’t figure out if something is truly bad or good. The grey is an area where I can’t figure out what to do next. Black is easy: get out of the dark.
Grey? It begs the question of whether you should move or wait for the sun shine. It’s also very confusing. That’s why I don’t act.
-GS
Jeonin & Majuning 
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