When you have a fever, you’re shivering yet burning up. They say that when you break that fever, you sweat. And that’s exactly what my life if asking of me. My fever is breaking, and I need to sweat it out in order to move forward with life. In a sense I’m trying to elevate my life, when I’ve been sick for “so long”.

7 years ago I was hospitalized and diagnosed with a whole bunch of “sick”.

Honestly, besides missing out on a lot of “normal living”, I think I did quite well. I coped by becoming a total introvert and more or less hiding in my mind. I dropped my doctorate pursuits, and am still out of the dating game, with no savings or kids to flaunt on Facebook.

But I did well. I haven’t been to the hospital since 2015; albeit there’s been a ton of diagnostics, and my medical bills can send someone to Europe. I did well, because I’m still alive and I’m happy and content. Wow. How many healthy people out there can say that they feel as much peace as I do? I did well.

My life is about the pursuit of peace and happiness. That comes naturally to me these days. I also realize that trying to chase some of it also takes a lot of work, depending on how you define your “happiness goal”. I’m ready to experience different types of happiness; and that takes effort!

So today I want to write about Sweat. You sweat when exerting a great amount of effort. And right now my metaphorical fever is breaking. So I’m sweating for no reason at all. But life beckons me to move forward: to sweat for a reason: to sweat because I’m trying. That means giving up the sick days (when possible), and getting a handle on sleep and diet. It means striving for long term goals such as savings, and starting a new family. All that living that must be lived.

I spent so many years germinating and healing that it’s been wonderful. So being lazy and stagnant is easy when you’re used to comfort. Does anyone really want to sweat? Isn’t it much easier to hole up in a room of Sherpa blankets and focus on your phone the whole day?

God, it’s so much easier. I have little motivation to change except this is the 7th year since my kpop debut: so something about it should be special. I should try, even a little, to do something that requires sweating. Why? Because Jung Kook once said “I am the main character of my life.” So it’s time for a new chapter for the both of us: it’s high time we met!

One could arguably say that I’ve been working this whole time to stay alive, even though I’ve never had SI. But that’s the nature of the fever. BTS has been my medicine. It doesn’t make sense to non-ARMY, but for those of you who know, you know.

Jeonin and Majuning

I named my website after the two kpop people I love most: Jung Kook and Namjoon. They’re meaningful to me because they possess so many traits that I want to have. I turned their names into a verb: I want to Jeon and Ma-Jun my way into life. They shed blood sweat and tears to be where they are today. And that’s what growth requires.

Anyway, happy 7th year to me; and 9th year to BTS.

And happy 3rd year to TXT.

They are the reason for my moment of alwaysness for 2022. Going to their concert made me really really happy.

In fact, TXT’s ACT: LOVESICK set list has been my focus in writing this specific set of blog posts. I’m not done yet, I have another two songs to write about. But it seems fitting to talk about what Sweat means to me, and how it’s symbolically their final song.

My writing is out of order. I know. And so is life! Look forward to one more song post, that’ll finish out this set list.

It’s called “Moment of Alwaysness”: and it many ways it’s better to finish my set list posts with this MOA song rather than “Sweat.”

Until then, 행복해라!