BOY AM I NOT LONELY! Not even one bit, besides the very rare moments that I wish had a companion. And even when that happens, I only miss it once a year. No cap.

How the heck did I get to this stage, when my former life and world revolved around being in a relationship?

Pain + Time = independence

Enough pain teaches us not to touch the teapot on the stove. I’ve had so many burns that I lost track. At some point I got sick of it and just went rogue on boys.

Time: pandemic provided some time to heal emotionally. And I found my own happiness in BTS, my hobbies, and my friends.

When my wounds healed, I finally had time to evaluate every relationship I’ve ever been in. I thought about my mistakes in the past, and how I would be better in my future relationships. I have principles. I have direction. And I’m happy! Time heals all wounds.

Suddenly I don’t need a man. I might not even want one (although nowadays I kind of do). All I know is that I’m truly happy and not desperate to jump into anything at all.

“You have to love yourself before you can love others” finally resonates. Because if you love yourself, you’ll know who deserves your love and who to cut off early. There’s a certain logical un-attachment when you attach your happiness to yourself.

Toxica-Jung Kook Jeon is my cryptonite. I’d definitely fight for that one, regardless of whether he allows me to fix his friends’ perilla leaf or not. He can track my phone all he wants to. It’s shallow but I love him 🥹

See? Not all changes are lasting. I just hope the one I choose is healthy and that Jung Kook surprises me when I decide to choose him over sophisticated Daddy Namjoon. Cmon baby you can do it!

Anyways. Off to sleep. It’s the only way I focus these days. Gnight Koo, Oppa, and world