What. In the actual. FUG.

I started writing this when I was quite sleep deprived, and am picking it up after ten or so hours of having slept. Sleep really does affect your emotions, and not just your ability to perceive, think, and overall function.

All year I’ve been struggling with insomnia. It’s partly behavioral and partly chemical. I have been running on 30% sleep-deprived brain-power every single day. It’s baffling that I’m still able to work and do other things- except I feel like shit.

I need to get a hold of the upcoming wave called depression. It drowns me every now and then. Mental health isn’t much talked about. I’m glad more people are bringing it up. I don’t usually talk about it because I have nothing helpful to say: just a bunch of ranting and bitching.

I suppose now I want to write about it, because I want to acknowledge the existence of the Blue. It’s there, coloring your life in various shades. Sometimes we drown in it, and other times it’s a nagging feeling of sadness that follows us.

It took me 7 years to accept the darker sides of my self. So needless to say I have a lot more patience for the Blue, and a lot less resentment toward it. I mean it’s there: like diabetes or heart disease. It’s unfortunate that “sickness” would take its form in attacking my actual brain: the seat of my soul, being, and consciousness.

It is what it is though. Now that I’ve acknowledge that, I would like to remind myself (and also you) to revisit the basics: eat properly, get enough sleep, and take your meds on time.

There’s also exercise, friendships, and other uplifting things you can do. But the above three are the fundamentals of anyone’s pyramid. So that’s my plan- setting myself up to recover from the Blue, so that I can actually get out of debt too.

Where have I been? Elsewhere. I haven’t written anything in this blog because I’ve been so busy writing about my other adventures elsewhere! I’m one saga (roughly four chapters) away from finishing my year-long endeavor of an account. It is 823 pages old thus far. I also finished a side-writing piece called Seasons Greetings. I’ve overall been writing on physical paper. Obviously not here.

But I’m here now! Don’t think I’ve left. If you’re still reading this, then I congratulate you because today’s entry is more of a rant than any enlightening musing. I doubt there’s much you can take from the entry other than to know that I’m dipping down, yet doing fine.

I’m bent on those three fundamental health goals, and I am bent on being intentional.

How about you? How was your year been? Have you met new people? Are you transitioning into a new goal or era? Or are you like me, and coasting and enjoying a stage of germination? All are acceptable and good things in this short subscription that we call life.

Whoever is reading this, thank you for your patience. I hope you have a wonderful, healthy day: whether it be blue or grey. May your blue side be Tiffany blue. Adieu 💿📀