So I saw a video of myself that I made for school a few years ago, and my first reaction was “she’s so confident and intelligent.” My self concept and esteem have plummeted a bit since then, and I’m a little surprised at how I used to carry myself. It’s amazing. BTS taught me there… Read more

I haven’t left my house in a few days. I’m not depressed, I just didn’t do it. So now I am out and about, standing right outside a Starbucks and not entering because the weather feels pleasantly chill and the sun is out. So now I am blogging. How am I? I’m okay. This is… Read more

Sounds that are pleasurable A soda can’s pop as it opens My dogs pitter partner with her claws The screams of ARMY right before a concert Any sort of harmonizing Acapella “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Chicago” air pilot’s voice Hybe’s sound before they release a music video BigHit’s sound before they released music videos… Read more

Military Enlistment day. I wish I could also call it a Me day, in a positive way. It was still a Me day, except all of me was either grieving or coping. In the morning I felt like crying. I held it in long enough for it to become a headache and mild chest pain.… Read more

Hello insomnia, my old friend. I don’t know who I am anymore, when it comes to what kind of girlfriend, partner, and spouse I’ll be. I’ve certainly changed for the better— and I don’t even know how I’ll be, so that means I’m not perfect. Maybe in some convoluted way because of BTS’ enlistment I’ve… Read more

Message: to express feelings about the boundaries that separate self from fans, self from idol, self from war. Barricade: is a dividing line between two things. In the idol world, it’s the physical barrier in the first row during a concert. It separates the stage from the audience. You from ARMY. In war, it’s the… Read more

Sometimes I post things right away because I fear that if I don’t publish it and I suddenly die, what I want to say will never be said. That being said, I nearly** perfected the holy grail Korean/me skin care method. It’s a combination of the basic skin ten-step Korean skin care routine plus a… Read more